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rip​/​scream

by Nolan Maher

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1.
Pour 02:30
I must have been out of my mind I’m breaking bottles again I must have been out of my mind I’m breaking bottles again ‘Til double Xs cover my eyes I’m breaking bottles again It’s life as lush and left to the sky I’m breaking bottles again Or else it’s solvent anger and light I spent my love like it’s on another planet I poured my heart into all these fractured habits I’m left alone like the only one who’ll stand it Is this forever?
2.
Hatchet 02:26
I’m not on the end train, baby, yet But when it’s gone I won’t come back Last ten drafts that broke, I owe you this That I’ll admit I feel the slack I’m not so quick, furloughed words I said to no one else, it made me sick When the time comes to lower the hatchet on this two-year one night stand Bury me inside your balmy heart with your ice-cold hands
3.
Scratch 03:29
Wayward again, and it’s ‘cause I’m on my own I’m scratching and crawling and calling back home Lately it’s been a catch, reflect the ghosts I’m shown A pitch back to static that sputters and drones Stayed straight again, but I’ll stray before too long I’m cracking and stalling and falling to stone Hearts say thunder, wake says my sin Paltry cover placed on your chin Part recover, part what has been Love you always, latent again
4.
Asylum 01:49
Meet me on the waiting list, it’s better Soon than now I can hear it in the silence I can Hear it in the crowd In the stateliest asylum where the voices Cry aloud And the fog waits at the window sill, It’s getting awful loud But I won’t waste another day I miss you and it’s getting late Fall into another night I miss everybody all the time
5.
Rut 03:40
Every day just seems the same And every silhouette’s a shadow of your frame Can’t feel a thing except the floor And if I you ever loved me I know you don’t anymore Felt afield from what was shown Let too much pass by and kept an even tone Last ditch tell to say goodbye Hitched it way up felt too somber, had to let it lie I guess that’s all I had to say, and if isn’t Does it matter anyway? Go to fend or feel the same I’m going sour-sane Heard a song inside my head The night I knew I’d want to keep you in my bed When I woke up I felt the same Another New Year and a new retired name
6.
Bright waltz through the ballroom Blood orange full moon, I’m brand new Might be a fool but I know You might a fool, but I know you Are here until it’s through We can float and fall high Will the well dry? It’s impossible to tell So now it’s full-out Excess and without, I’m too true That might be untrue but I’ve no rules Dim light through rooms, have I made a fool? Swear I’ll ripen past the vine Give it one more season Is there any reason? It’s impossible to tell
7.
Old Design 02:31
Waiting for you to come around again I’m on my own, went too slow Lovely, another number in your list of Old designs you left behind I know I’ll be sleeping in my clothes tonight Alone, I’ll be sleeping through the morning’s light The walls, they move What else is new? If we’d have known It’s always “someday,” isn’t it? I know I’ll be sleeping in my clothes tonight Alone, I’ll be sleeping through the morning’s light
8.
Iso 03:30
Sleep all the time and have the simplest of dreams Last night they seeped into the cracks along my head The sun is in my eyes anyway. I never wanted to go out until I was stuck inside all day And I just want to hug my Mom and tell her everything’s all right Sleep all the time and have the simplest of dreams Last night they woke me sweet and weeping on your skin At least you got me and I got you Everybody’s waiting for something to go down You know, I know That everybody’s out on loan Everybody’s waiting for someone to come down You know, I know We stay together, not alone I'm tired of waiting I've been living on my own
9.
It was late so I thought that I’d write you a letter From the slaughterhouse, end of September I’m writing you now despite holes in my brain They’re bloodletting summers I sent down the drain There’s no one in focus now, no one’s around Remember the perennial death of this town? We crossed JFK to drink floats in the sand You said it’s the last time, and I’ll be over it Once the sound of your voice Is replaced by another Stay bent through the days Sound of last summer When it fades I hope you’ll take me like A picture you forget about, vague like a scripture And dote upon times we fell stuck in the sand Endlessly gripped in our cadence and hands The boulevard’s crossed as I sleep on the dunes Call up my brother and wade through the ruins Drink a rootbeer float to your name Swallow the last dregs of unrepentant bliss It’s the way these things go I coughed and I blundered Through bittersweet taste One more last summer I’m yours or another’s It seems such a waste Sounds of last summer
10.
eltrain 02:59
I’m not on the eltrain, baby, yet It’s just another wrapped over from the summer’s light I’ll hide until sunlight starts to drawl, all wrapped up To head undone into the southern sky On call to bereave the spars we’ve lost We’ll float dead til they retrieve us with The morning’s caw Stars crackle and crows come to carry me home It’s like Judas and Jesus except I’m both I’m not on the eltrain, baby, yet It’s just another wrapped over from the summer’s light
11.
Wish 02:02
Sometimes I wish it all was different, sometimes I mourn the change I wish I weren’t so angry, I wish I weren’t so tame The wild in me’s faded some, wish it stuck around And then when a wild streak gets in me I pour until I drown
12.
Ivy 04:16
Ivy creeps its way around the bend, it’s Beating on the walls again And it’s starting to get through Ivy, thorn, and thistle lie to bed Flower everyone who said That they were starting to hate you Always fading higher, race to run ‘Til braids of brier lace have spun Arrowed arms will embrace you Always face to fire, bait the Sun Carry it ‘til calling comes that Your garden awaits you Ivy creeps its way around the bend, it’s Beating on the walls again And it’s starting to get through I don’t want to hate you

credits

released July 3, 2020

all music written and produced by Nolan Maher except the saxophone parts by Tom Whitney on "Impossible to Tell" and "Wish"

proceeds from online sales will be donated evenly to:

NAACP Legal Defense Fund
org2.salsalabs.com/o/6857/p/salsa/donation/common/public/?donate_page_KEY=15780&_ga=2.4243379.1013761829.1593785963-172748459.1593785963

and

Prevention Point Philadelphia
ppponline.org/donate

you can either donate directly through the links above or go through me here

tapes available soon through Weekend Tapes
weekendtapes.bandcamp.com

special thanks to Clay Rossner, Spencer Ventresca, Kyle Burt, Kevin Penney, Kelci Schlierf, Leon Tolo, all my friends and family, my neighbors, and if you're reading this and aren't one of these people then thank you for taking the time to check out this record

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Nolan Maher Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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